09 March 2011

Clinging to God

“I lift my eyes up to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2)

It’s so easy to rely on everyone and everything but God until you’re in a place and situation where the only thing you can do is cry out to God.

My grandma passed away yesterday. She had been in and out of the hospital for the past three weeks, and from what I understand had just been moved to a nursing home for therapy and care until she was strong enough to go home. She died in her sleep, just before my grandpa arrived to visit her. As my mom said during our brief conversation on the phone, God had a plan in it – and waited until no one in the family was there. Grandpa was home, Dad was home, Mom was in Florida with friends and Jason was home. And me, I’m on the complete other side of the world.

I want to believe that Grandma had put her faith in Jesus before she left this world. I have cried so many tears for her and uttered so many prayers over the past hours, days, weeks, months and even years. Just in the last few weeks there have been people on six different continents praying for her. Six! That’s everywhere but Antarctica! That has to mean something, right? Even hours before she died, mom and a friend fervently prayed that someone in the nursing home would share Christ with her and lead her to the Lord.

“And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” (James 5:15-16)

I don’t know what God’s answer to those prayers was. I like to think that like the persistent widow, whose requests were answered by the judge because she did not give up in asking, that the Lord heard my prayers and they were answered. I so pray that my prayers were His will, as we know He desires that none shall perish and that if we ask anything according to His will, we know that we have those requests for which we have asked. But here, miles and hours away from family – from my grandpa who is in complete despair after spending his whole life loving and depending on my grandma – from my dad, an only child who now has to make difficult decisions and be the stronghold for the family – from my mom, whose faith is upholding so much and desperately wants to see my grandpa trust the Lord – here, all I can do is Trust in the Lord.

During our ministry with the primary age kids at our church in Illinois, we learned a song with the words of Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.”

Over the last 16 hours since I heard the news of my grandma’s death, that song has resonated in my heart. In the numerous responses that have poured in from friends and supporters from the e-mail we sent out, one of our friends had quoted that very verse. Then today I pulled out a book from a dear friend titled, Treasures for Women who Hope, and the bookmark inside had that same verse on the back. I am desperately trying to trust in the Lord right now. I’m trusting Him to draw my grandpa, and the others in my family who do not know Him, close to Him. Trusting that He reveals Himself to them in ways that they cannot deny His goodness and love. Trusting Him in the decision of whether to stay here or to go to be with my family at this time. Trusting Him because my understanding is so limited. Trusting Him because without that, I have nothing.

A few months ago I wrote a blog about my grandmother. Read that here: http://pastorllama.blogspot.com/2010/07/full-circle.html