To those of you who have been following Ngankou's story on here, it's time for us to be completely honest with you. Not that we were dishonest before, but there are a few other details to the story that will better enable you to pray for him. (For those of you who didn't see the previous posts, click here.)
So the first day I Ngankou went to church with us, I asked him what he did for work. Well, it turns out his most recent work was as a warden, in a prison, where he was a prisoner. He spent seven years in Federal prison in Pennsylvania before arriving in Peoria this year. He has since been living in a sort of halfway house that is supposed to help prisoners transition back into society. There are very strict rules regarding priveleges, activities outside the house, and visitors. And apparently, when the administration there isn't happy, the rules get tougher.
Two months or so ago they were cracking down on Ngankou because he had not yet found a job. He was offered a nice position doing French to English translation for a company, but said he felt dishonest taking it and going through the training knowing it was not what he wanted to be doing long-term. So, he got in trouble because they felt he didn't want to work. Reduced priveleges meant he could no longer go to church with us, among many other things. He has now started a labor-intensive loading job, to and from which he walks an hour there and an hour back each day.
Apparently that's not enough. When we visited a few weeks ago, they were pressing on him to find his own housing. He wasn't sure where to look or what process to follow, and really didn't seem interested in finding a place to stay. Still convinced he has to atone for his sin, he thinks part of that atonement - earning grace - involves living as a homeless person for awhile. Once again, we felt God gave us the words to say to explain the free gift of grace and that there is no "degree" of sinfulness. He seems to understand it more and more, but still thinks his crime - whatever it may be - is unforgivable. When we left that day, he promised us he would pray that God would reveal Himself to him.
On our way to church today, we stopped by the halfway house to see if he might be able to join us. He is now not allowed to go anywhere other than work, and will be sent back to prison in mid-July. We don't know all the circumstances. We don't know his crime, or why exactly he's being sent back. It seems as though the inmates are given a limited amount of time to meet certain requirements, and that he has not met those requirements - but we can't be sure. We plan to visit often in the coming weeks, and if he is put in prison here, we will continue to visit him there. Our pastor plans to visit him as well. But, he needs you too.
He needs your prayers. We all need to be praying for the situation - that God will continue to work in his heart and draw Ngankou to Himself. We need to pray that God will be glorified in the whole situation and many will come to know him through this. We know God's timing and plans are perfect, but right now my heart is aching for him - with an increased urgency - and frustration at "the system."
Will you pray with us?
13 June 2010
17 May 2010
Crashing Down
About a week and a half ago, I crashed. Hard. Both literally and emotionally. A beautiful day, I decided to skip the gym routine and head out to the Rock Island Trail for a nice, peaceful bike ride. About eight miles out I hit some ruts in the trail and the next thing I knew everything was out of control and I was tumbling - with my bike. Crash.
A moment of shock and silence, and then I saw the bloody scrapes on my forearm and felt pain in my leg, and started into one of those whimpery turns sobbing loud, completely unfeminine cries. It didn't last long because there was no one around and therefore no one to feel sorry for me. I stood up, picked up my bike, and planned to remount, finish my ride, turn around and go back.
But, my leg wasn't bending - getting stiffer - and bigger - by the second. I wasn't getting back on that bike. Not to mention the fact that the handlebars were twisted completely sideways. I called Luke and we tried to determine where I was on the trail. Having seen a farmer on a tractor in a nearby field, I hobbled to a clearing and waved him down. He helped me into his tractor, bike on the crop tiller, and took me to the road so Luke could pick me up (we live a good 15-20 minute drive from the trailhead, and I was another 8 miles out from there, so it was going to take him awhile). Then a van drove by, and seeing me sitting on the side of the road, the woman turned around and asked if I needed help. She drove me to the trailhead where I met Luke and we went to the hospital.
Gotta put in some shout-outs to God here. We praise God for my "good samaritans" along the way, and for Luke's recent promotion to full-time that provided health insurance (we went a year without!). We also praise God that after hours of waiting, X-rays showed I did not break my femur. Just deep, deep bruising of my right thigh and seriously scraped up forearms. Follow-up X-rays a few days later showed a suspected fracture in my left radius (inner-elbow), but the doc said Friday that the best way to treat both my arm and leg are to use them. That's my kind of doctor!
There's a bit of a side story here, though. Exercise to me, is a comfort. It's a piece of me - of my identity. I work out hard and push the limits. I have this whole complex about people not possibly loving me for me and actually wanting to spend time with me. I have to either help them - i.e. be "useful" (Definitely a Martha), or impress them - make them proud - have their applause. I guess exercise meets that need for me. This, human "doing" identity prevents me from having to be too vulnerable. What am I afraid of? Me. That when people know the real me - and know my heart, they'll run away and I'll be alone.
Enter Captivating, a book I just happened to have started a few days before the crash about a woman's heart. In fact, the subtitle is "Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul." The night after I wrecked, I was sitting in bed and opened to the chapter titled "Healing the Wound." Appropriate, huh? Here's an excerpt:
"Something sent its roots down deep into her (Eve's) soul - and ours - that mistrust of God's heart, that resolution to find life on our own terms. So God has to thwart her. In love, he has to block her attempts until, wounded and aching, she turns to him and him alone for her rescue.... Jesus has to thwart us too - thwart our self-redemptive plans, our controlling and our hiding, thwart the ways we are seeking to fill the ache within us. Otherwise, we would never fully turn to him for our rescue. Oh, we might turn to him for our 'salvation,' for a ticket to heaven when we die.... But inside, our hearts remain broken and captive and far from the One who can help us."
I like to stay in control. Exercise helps me do that - to control my schedule, my body, and create just enough distance to prevent vulnerability. But as you sit in a hospital unable to put weight on your leg... as you wait to hear whether or not you will have a cast on your arm... I suddenly wasn't so much in control. Am I going to balloon up and gain 100 pounds in a week? Am I going to have extra time to fill and have to face myself and my heart and maybe even what God wants to speak to my heart? Is it going to be hard? Is it going to hurt - and not physically, because that I can handle - I mean hurt inside? Can I trust you God? Do you care about my heart here? Do you care that I'm feeling very vulnerable, exposed, helpless? Do you care that I'm scared?
You thwarted my self-redemptive plan and only to You can I truly turn for comfort - for healing. Who am I to question? As Job said, "I know that You can do all things. No plan of Yours can be thwarted... You said 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you and you shall answer me.'" (Job 42:2,4)
Amazing how He gets our attention sometimes. I'm working on this trust thing - and allowing myself to be just a bit vulnerable... After all, I'm writing this for the world to see - letting you see just a piece of my aching heart. Granted, old habits die hard and I'm still exercising - working with pool therapy and building strength and mobility back, but that doesn't negate the lesson... and the fact that Jesus is the only Solid Rock, the only place where we can find healing and comfort. It's in His hands - not my scraped up, weak - and constantly striving ones. Is He your Solid Rock? Have you trusted Him with your heart?
"The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." (Isaiah 40:8)
A moment of shock and silence, and then I saw the bloody scrapes on my forearm and felt pain in my leg, and started into one of those whimpery turns sobbing loud, completely unfeminine cries. It didn't last long because there was no one around and therefore no one to feel sorry for me. I stood up, picked up my bike, and planned to remount, finish my ride, turn around and go back.
But, my leg wasn't bending - getting stiffer - and bigger - by the second. I wasn't getting back on that bike. Not to mention the fact that the handlebars were twisted completely sideways. I called Luke and we tried to determine where I was on the trail. Having seen a farmer on a tractor in a nearby field, I hobbled to a clearing and waved him down. He helped me into his tractor, bike on the crop tiller, and took me to the road so Luke could pick me up (we live a good 15-20 minute drive from the trailhead, and I was another 8 miles out from there, so it was going to take him awhile). Then a van drove by, and seeing me sitting on the side of the road, the woman turned around and asked if I needed help. She drove me to the trailhead where I met Luke and we went to the hospital.
Gotta put in some shout-outs to God here. We praise God for my "good samaritans" along the way, and for Luke's recent promotion to full-time that provided health insurance (we went a year without!). We also praise God that after hours of waiting, X-rays showed I did not break my femur. Just deep, deep bruising of my right thigh and seriously scraped up forearms. Follow-up X-rays a few days later showed a suspected fracture in my left radius (inner-elbow), but the doc said Friday that the best way to treat both my arm and leg are to use them. That's my kind of doctor!
There's a bit of a side story here, though. Exercise to me, is a comfort. It's a piece of me - of my identity. I work out hard and push the limits. I have this whole complex about people not possibly loving me for me and actually wanting to spend time with me. I have to either help them - i.e. be "useful" (Definitely a Martha), or impress them - make them proud - have their applause. I guess exercise meets that need for me. This, human "doing" identity prevents me from having to be too vulnerable. What am I afraid of? Me. That when people know the real me - and know my heart, they'll run away and I'll be alone.
Enter Captivating, a book I just happened to have started a few days before the crash about a woman's heart. In fact, the subtitle is "Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul." The night after I wrecked, I was sitting in bed and opened to the chapter titled "Healing the Wound." Appropriate, huh? Here's an excerpt:
"Something sent its roots down deep into her (Eve's) soul - and ours - that mistrust of God's heart, that resolution to find life on our own terms. So God has to thwart her. In love, he has to block her attempts until, wounded and aching, she turns to him and him alone for her rescue.... Jesus has to thwart us too - thwart our self-redemptive plans, our controlling and our hiding, thwart the ways we are seeking to fill the ache within us. Otherwise, we would never fully turn to him for our rescue. Oh, we might turn to him for our 'salvation,' for a ticket to heaven when we die.... But inside, our hearts remain broken and captive and far from the One who can help us."
I like to stay in control. Exercise helps me do that - to control my schedule, my body, and create just enough distance to prevent vulnerability. But as you sit in a hospital unable to put weight on your leg... as you wait to hear whether or not you will have a cast on your arm... I suddenly wasn't so much in control. Am I going to balloon up and gain 100 pounds in a week? Am I going to have extra time to fill and have to face myself and my heart and maybe even what God wants to speak to my heart? Is it going to be hard? Is it going to hurt - and not physically, because that I can handle - I mean hurt inside? Can I trust you God? Do you care about my heart here? Do you care that I'm feeling very vulnerable, exposed, helpless? Do you care that I'm scared?
You thwarted my self-redemptive plan and only to You can I truly turn for comfort - for healing. Who am I to question? As Job said, "I know that You can do all things. No plan of Yours can be thwarted... You said 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you and you shall answer me.'" (Job 42:2,4)
Amazing how He gets our attention sometimes. I'm working on this trust thing - and allowing myself to be just a bit vulnerable... After all, I'm writing this for the world to see - letting you see just a piece of my aching heart. Granted, old habits die hard and I'm still exercising - working with pool therapy and building strength and mobility back, but that doesn't negate the lesson... and the fact that Jesus is the only Solid Rock, the only place where we can find healing and comfort. It's in His hands - not my scraped up, weak - and constantly striving ones. Is He your Solid Rock? Have you trusted Him with your heart?
"The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." (Isaiah 40:8)
25 April 2010
New Ministry Video!
At our last small group meeting we were given the opportunity to present the ministry we are preparing for in Zambia. Since the other members of the group already know us, and since they have already seen our support video (check it out in the side bar), we decided to put together a new video more specific to what we will be doing in Solwezi. Check it out!
Unworthy of Grace
What makes grace so incredible amazing is that we're never truly worth of it when we receive it. We are all - each and every one of us - dead to our sins... but through God's grace, through the atoning sacrifice of His perfect son, our sin is done away with - covered with a veil of grace. Because nothing we could do could ever restore us to an unadulterated, perfect relationship with our Father, Jesus died to serve as a bridge for the giant chasm of sin that existed between us and God.
So why do we feel like we have to earn grace? Why do we feel that is even possible? That perhaps if we can improve our position before God just a bit, we might be worthy of His love.
A few weeks ago I wrote about Ngankou, our new Cameroonian friend, whose laughter can light up a room and whose deep philosophical questions can send you to your knees in prayer for the right words and the most God-honoring answers. A few days after that post, we visited our friend and spent the afternoon discussing the significance of Christ's death on the cross and the implications of that sacrifice on where we will be spending eternity. For Ngankou, he understands the Bible in a literary sense, but can't quite grasp the fact that God would find him worthy of forgiveness for sins he has committed that he views as wrethced and unforgiveable. After all, he doesn't think he is worthy of our friendship, or of the friendship and prayer of our pastor and friends at church. To think that God would pay his penalties for him - unimaginable.
But he's been coming to church. He's even met with our pastor despite a strong disbelief that the pastor wouldn't give him the time of day. He's been asking the hard questions and trying to convince us all that "we're better than him." That he has to "get to where we are." Essentially, that he's not worthy. As we dropped him off from church today, he explained that he has a lot to work on personally - or in his words, he has "atoning to do before God would even look at him."
Oh that he would understand that the atonement is done! He understands that he is unrighteous before God, but doesn't quite realize that we all were. Because of Christ's atonement our sin has been forgiven - and we are covered with a veil of grace. God created us in His image, and loves us, and wants to have perfect fellowship with us - so much that He sent His son to bring us back to Him. As I explained this - and told him that we too were wretched sinners that did not earn our way into a relationship with the Lord but were cleansed through Jesus' death and resurrection and that through that atoning sacrifice God in essence forgets our sin and views us as righteous - something changed in him. The idea made him uncomfortable. It challenged him.
And this is where we fall powerless at God's feet in prayer. Ngankou got out of the car heavy-hearted and deep in thought. We cannot force him to understand and to put his faith in Christ. The Holy Spirit has to take over where human words fall short. May Ngankou's eyes and heart be opened. May he realize that he can't earn grace or "make up" for the sins of his past, but understand that his sentence has been paid in full if he's willing to cash the check. Will you pray with us?
(These lyrics from Tenth Avenue North's song "By Your Side" ran through my head as I wrote this post, and thought I'd share:
Why are you striving these days?
Why are you still trying, to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face,
Just don't turn away.
Why are you looking, for love?
Why are you still searching,
As if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child,
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run?
And I'll be by your side,
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night,
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you.
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life.
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night,
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you.
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go.
Praise God that He won't ever let us go! :) )
So why do we feel like we have to earn grace? Why do we feel that is even possible? That perhaps if we can improve our position before God just a bit, we might be worthy of His love.
A few weeks ago I wrote about Ngankou, our new Cameroonian friend, whose laughter can light up a room and whose deep philosophical questions can send you to your knees in prayer for the right words and the most God-honoring answers. A few days after that post, we visited our friend and spent the afternoon discussing the significance of Christ's death on the cross and the implications of that sacrifice on where we will be spending eternity. For Ngankou, he understands the Bible in a literary sense, but can't quite grasp the fact that God would find him worthy of forgiveness for sins he has committed that he views as wrethced and unforgiveable. After all, he doesn't think he is worthy of our friendship, or of the friendship and prayer of our pastor and friends at church. To think that God would pay his penalties for him - unimaginable.
But he's been coming to church. He's even met with our pastor despite a strong disbelief that the pastor wouldn't give him the time of day. He's been asking the hard questions and trying to convince us all that "we're better than him." That he has to "get to where we are." Essentially, that he's not worthy. As we dropped him off from church today, he explained that he has a lot to work on personally - or in his words, he has "atoning to do before God would even look at him."
Oh that he would understand that the atonement is done! He understands that he is unrighteous before God, but doesn't quite realize that we all were. Because of Christ's atonement our sin has been forgiven - and we are covered with a veil of grace. God created us in His image, and loves us, and wants to have perfect fellowship with us - so much that He sent His son to bring us back to Him. As I explained this - and told him that we too were wretched sinners that did not earn our way into a relationship with the Lord but were cleansed through Jesus' death and resurrection and that through that atoning sacrifice God in essence forgets our sin and views us as righteous - something changed in him. The idea made him uncomfortable. It challenged him.
And this is where we fall powerless at God's feet in prayer. Ngankou got out of the car heavy-hearted and deep in thought. We cannot force him to understand and to put his faith in Christ. The Holy Spirit has to take over where human words fall short. May Ngankou's eyes and heart be opened. May he realize that he can't earn grace or "make up" for the sins of his past, but understand that his sentence has been paid in full if he's willing to cash the check. Will you pray with us?
(These lyrics from Tenth Avenue North's song "By Your Side" ran through my head as I wrote this post, and thought I'd share:
Why are you striving these days?
Why are you still trying, to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face,
Just don't turn away.
Why are you looking, for love?
Why are you still searching,
As if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child,
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run?
And I'll be by your side,
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night,
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you.
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life.
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night,
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you.
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go.
Praise God that He won't ever let us go! :) )
18 April 2010
April Prayer Letter
If you have not received our April prayer letter, check it out here. E-mail us or contact us via facebook if you would like to receive our updates on a regular basis. (luke.wessler@sim.org or tiffany.wessler@sim.org)
Will you consider joining our team? We know not everyone is called to GO to another country to fulfill God's mission mandate, but we are all called to be a part of it. Through your gifts, you can be the supporting body while we serve as your hands and feet in the field. Contact us today or visit www.sim.org/giveusa (Enter Wessler -23444 under missionary or project name) to sign up for monthly contributions!
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