What's so bad about a bikini?

*Note: I am not trying to start a political debate. Nor am I trying to hurt anyone in my family or the people I knew growing up.  This is me sharing my heart and it's about a personal choice that I am making for my family.  I respect the decisions you make for yours.*

A few months ago a video went viral in which swimsuit designer Jessica Rey talked about the evolution of the female swimsuit and the effect of the bikini on today’s society.

And let me tell you, I thought her modest designs were cute and agreed with much of what she said – but thought I was the exception.

You see, I grew up in bikinis.  I grew up surrounded by bikinis.  With a lake in our backyard, summer wardrobes consisted of pajamas and swimsuits.  We didn’t need much else.  Neighbors came by in their boats, friends swam from dock to dock, and most of the women wore bikinis.  Thin, beautiful women, lying on lawn chairs with Coppertone tanning oil and fashionable sunglasses while their kids competed to make the biggest splash with their cannonballs.  

It was life.  It was normal.  Throwing on a pair of shorts and walking to the neighbor’s house with no shirt was no big deal.

Then the girls hit puberty.  There was a group of us, all with “perfectly” shaped mothers weighing in around 100 pounds, and we were outgrowing them.  Our mothers wouldn’t dare say anything beyond a subtle warning about impending weight gain, but we felt it, and we knew that it really wasn’t normal. 

In the midst of all of this, we were boy crazy.  Through our young years of observation, we learned how to draw compliments or approving eyes with our bodies, and the bikini became about more than cannonballs and suntans (and who can safely do a cannonball in a bikini anyway?).  I remember going to a pool party in seventh grade, for the first time wearing a bikini on a maturing feminine figure, not just that of a small girl.  And my focus was one boy, and making sure he noticed me in my new, barely there swimwear.

I went home disappointed.  The party may have been fun – with water fights and barbecue and friends hanging out… but I didn’t attract the boy, and I felt ugly and worthless.  Over the next few years, though, I wore a lot of bikinis and attracted a lot of boys and to me that was, as a woman, just what you did.  And when a boy I liked didn’t like me, I assumed it was because of my body – my outward appearance.  I wasn’t tan enough, thin enough, pretty enough…

And man have I struggled through the years with being “enough.”  It wasn’t until college that I learned that I was “enough” and loved because I was a child of God.  Not because of how I looked or acted or how many boys were attracted to me in a bikini.

Even so, I’ve struggled with this bikini debate.  I liked the attention I got when wearing them.  Don’t tell anyone, but I still like the attention I get in a bikini, pregnant body aside.  But as we expect our first child, I've had to wrestle the whole idea and think about how we want to raise our children.

Do I want my son to hang out with the girls who are just trying to get him drooling over their bodies?  Do I want my daughter drawing that sort of attention?  As I started to think about all this, I just went back to the idea that it was life, it was normal, and I turned out okay.

But I also know the paths I could have so easily taken.  I listened to the lies that men would only want me if I gave them my body.  In high school I was told by a family member she was surprised my boyfriend was still with me since I was committed to waiting until marriage for sex.  Because that was the lie she had been told and believed and my heart breaks for her.   

While those sorts of thoughts might be “normal” in our culture today, I realize I don’t really want our kids to be “normal.”  I want them to know they are loved as children of God. 

For our daughters: that men who love them for their integrity and faith are far supreme to those who lust over their bodies.  For our sons: to seek God first, and find women after God’s heart.

It may be radical or countercultural, but as I become a mother, I may have to retire my bikinis (or save them for special times with my husband – because after all, we were created to be sexual beings  - one man and one woman – in marriage).  To set an example of modesty for my children.  To demonstrate to my husband that he is special enough to be the only one to see me bare and vulnerable.  And perhaps, to bring a little personal healing along the way.

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” – I Corinthians 6:19-20    

Growing Pains

Solwezi is growing. By a couple of hundred people every day according to someestimates.  In some places in the world,the streets are apparently lined with gold. In Solwezi, they’re lined with people selling, people walking, peoplesitting, people driving, people biking, people peeing.  And by streets I mean street.  One. Singular.  The same street used bythe large copper mining trucks, buses coming through the country from Lusaka, mini buses, taxis, funeral caravans, and anyone in the entire province who needs to buy groceries at our Shoprite – the only grocery store within two hours drive any direction.  One street, on a sort of ridge between valleys, with every storefront, shack and market along the street, because anyone who visits can easily see that this booming mine city was never intended to be more than a small stop along the main road.

And it’s only going to get bigger.  The Kansanshi copper mine is already one ofthe largest and busiest in the world – and expected to double in size this year, adding the biggest copper smelter to facilitate outputs from several mines in the area.  Currently underway some kilometers out of Solwezi is Trident, a trifecta combining smaller mines into one huge one.  Where there are mines,there are jobs, and where there are jobs, there are people.  “If you build it, they will come” has never been more real. 

Westerns depicting the American Gold Rush would be very fitting for the situation here: promises to make it big and get rich quick are transplanting whole communities and families to the point that we can hardly call this “Kaonde country” anymore.  Traditional values and conservative dress are being replaced with cheap pornography and skinny jeans.  Bars and taverns (or tarvens, as the signs usually say) and swanky guest houses are popping up all over town.  Alcohol consumption and prostitution are increasing simultaneously, especially among transient truck drivers, leaving a devastating number of unwed mothers with STDs.

Where does this leave us? Living a block away from the one real street has its benefits.  For example, stocks run out fairly quickly at Shoprite when there are 50 million transactions a month, but we’ve learned which days the vegetable trucks are unloaded and know that if the eggs are gone today, we can stop by again tomorrow.  The increase in mine activity also means an increase in expatriates, many of whom have become dear friends through a small church fellowship we’ve helped to start.  They are also great contacts for the who, what, how questions in the way things work here.  Additionally, though we’ve spent a lot of time on our Kikaonde, the influx of people from all over the country (and world) means we are able to function almost entirely in English within town.

But there are a lot of downfalls as well.  Be it in a car, on a bike, or walking, the roads are frightening (we’ve found walking to be the safest, though not always the sanest).  When we first visited in 2009, things were so much quieter, and we just thought we’d bicycle everywhere when we moved here long term.  Not a chance.  Additionally, there are regular gas shortages and cars will line up waiting to refuel.  Whereas even 12 months ago we had extremely reliable power and water, the only consistency now is the inconsistency.  We’ve had some weeks in which we’ve lost power every night just around dinner time. The electrical infrastructure of the city can’t handle the load.  This was really the tipping point as we became overwhelmed by stress last month.

On a deeper level, the increase in transplanted families from other tribes is something local Kaonde churches for the most part aren't prepared to handle.  Add to that Jehovah’s witnesses, Muslims, and various “natural healers” and “Chinese medicine practitioners” handing out pamphlets and invitations and this little big town in a nominally Christian country is becoming confused. Especially confusing is the increase in access to Western television, music, Internet and culture.  For years many Zambians have assumed that what is American or European is Christian.  After all, the first “bazungu” (white people) to come to Zambia were missionaries.  We’ve had several conversations with Zambian friends here recently who were convinced that all Americans are Christian, and therefore every music video, fashion trend, televangelist, politician and even Peace Corp worker they are exposed to is also “Christian.”

A few months ago one of our older missionaries who has been here most of her life said, “things are a lot harder than they used to be.”  Yes, there is far more available when it comes to food choices, airlines in and out, technology, etc., but those are all things you can work around and or live without. The quiet life where everything was simple but simple made sense once you learned the system is a thing of the past. 

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, other than to ask that you pray.  Pray for Solwezi, that evil and corruption will have no power, and that the Lord will bring about a revival for His truth.  Pray for the churches here, that they may find innovative and inviting ways to reach out to the increasingly inter-tribal and international community around us.  Pray for the missionaries as we discern what and who to pour our lives into, as we react to the changes around us, and as we seek to maintain a moral standard and serve as an example to our brothers and sisters here.  And please pray for us as we respond to lewd comments and begging, intense foot and vehicle traffic, inconsistent utilities and other “growing pains.”

Are We Only Talking to Ourselves?

As I told a co-worker about mid-week Bible studies at our church, she asked, "what do you do there?" So I began to explain that the church members come and we all eat and then the pastor or someone leads us in Bible study.

"But what is a Bible study? I hear people talk about it, but what do you do in Bible study?"

Wow. How ignorant and exclusive are we as Christians? How often do we assume that someone knows what "Bible study" or "praise music" or "mission work" or even .... "FAITH" means? How many times have we let opportunities to share the simple message of God's goodness slip away because we boast and speak in these terms that may mean nothing to someone who wasn't brought up in a protestant church-going family?

I mean seriously, for someone who has never heard that Jesus died on the cross to pay for all the bad things we've done and thought, how terribly boring would "Bible study" sound? "Sorry, can't hang out tonight, I have Bible study." Just the word "study" has such a dry and obligatory connotation. Why not instead say something more like, "a group of us are getting together to discover the treasures God has in store for us in Heaven;" or, "We're going to get to know an awesome God who has forgiven us for all the wretched things we've done;" or, "Some friends are getting together to celebrate eternal life and plan ways to show our gratitude to the Giver of such an awesome gift."

Basically, as someone put it in church recently, we need to go beyond "talking to ourselves." Invite your friend to church and tell her what to expect. Don't decline certain activities because you're a "Christian" or it goes against what you believe. Explain that you want to bring glory to a Great and Wonderful God and Why in the world you would want to do that. Tell people what "small group" or "Bible study" or "Sunday School" or "mission work" means. Who is going to want a relationship with an awesome loving God if they never know who He is and why He is so awesome? Let's stop talking just to each other when it pertains to our faith and start talking to everyone else. Let's get out of our "Christian world" and open oursleves up to the world around us.