On Going… or Staying

Tomorrow is the big day. The visit to the urologist. Luke and I have probably put undue weight on the outcome of this appointment in our decision on when, and if, to go back to Zambia. But regardless of the validity of that weight, it's there.

Michael has kidney reflux, vesicoureteral reflux, to give you the technical term. We suspected this months ago when his kidneys were enlarged in utero, but tests last month confirmed it. On a scale from zero to 5, the radiologist said the one side is a 1, and the other a 2 or 3. According to our pediatrician, this means he'll likely grow out of it. Even so, it will require some degree of follow up, to be determined at the urologist tomorrow.

We'd like to go back to Zambia in April. That's what we've been saying since we learned we were expecting. We may even be able to do follow up in South Africa, or even Lusaka, Zambia. But while I at least am holding out hope that will be the case, it might not work out that way.  The tests and medications may require we stay here.

So for the past several weeks (months), we've been throwing around a lot of "what ifs?". What if we have to stay in the states longer? What if we need to be here permanently? And after my obstetrician said it is very likely I would have preterm labor with future pregnancies and need weekly shots from mid-pregnancy on to help prevent that, what if we go back now and wrap things up when/if we get pregnant again?

And to be completely honest, we have valid options for all of the above scenarios. We know that God has a good and perfect plan for us and for Michael and if He wants us back in Zambia, He'll get us there in His timing. But I'm going to share an honest look at my heart in all of this…

First of all, we're not heartless or irresponsible when it comes to Michael. We don't want to take him somewhere where he will be in danger or "deprived" as some have put it. We know that growing up in the mission field has it's risks but it also carries an amazing richness of life we would love for him. We're not blinded to the risks, though, and are taking his needs into foremost consideration as we look at our future.

That said, though, we also know that if that is where the Lord wants us, His hand of peace and protection will be on us. As the psalmist says, "If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall lead me." (Psalm 139:9-10)

But here's the heart issue. I'm worried about you. Our friends and supporters. What will you think if we don't go back? What will you think if we have to spend a few extra months stateside before we head back? Are we letting you down? Failing in your sight? Or in a very practical sense, squandering your support as we wait? 

As someone who desperately wants the approval of others, your reactions are sometimes more daunting than the actual course of action. The fact that you could think that we are being lazy or greedy or whatever other concept I can think of as I worry is well, worrisome. That we may have "failed" in our missionary endeavor that we've set our hearts, minds, and life on since we started dating almost 10 years ago is frightening. Who are we if not missionaries? What would life even look like if not focused on taking His Word to the nations?

Yes, we know we can have that same focus from central Illinois or Charlotte or Dallas. We could work with SIM or Sports Friends in recruiting or material development or communications or other ways to further the Great Commission. Or we could be going back to Zambia for a shorter, more determined period of time, or perhaps indefinitely. We don't know - and we may not know after we visit the doctor tomorrow. 

God rarely spells out more than a short glimpse of what He has in store for us moving forward. It's often day by day, week by week. I don't think we (anyone) could really handle more than that.

As we look for that next glimpse - as we think about April or next year or several years down the road - we know it's in His hands. In the meantime, I will try to trust, and try to humbly realize that your love is not conditional - not based on souls saved or our geographic whereabouts. I will ask, though, for your friendship, and for your prayers. Prayers for health, especially for Michael. Prayers for wisdom. Prayers for peace. 

We don't know what tomorrow may bring, literally, in the sense of February 11, or figuratively in the broader sense of our future, but we know we serve a good, powerful, all-knowing God who has a good, wonderful plan. We've hit speed bumps and detours in the past and He has always shown us a new, better way forward. So we hold our sweet babe and set all planning aside, waiting for tomorrow in confidence of Him.

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit' - yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.'" - James 4:13-15

Lost in Translation

Sometimes it seems there are a hundred English words for every one Kikaonde word.  Seriously.  Take mambo for example… it can mean affair, fact, matter, or it can be used for reason, because, regarding.  It’s often used for sermon, speech, word, or TheWord.  But then, it can also mean sin, guilt, fault, offense, or trouble. So we use the same Kikaonde word to describe sin as we do for The Word.  Riiiight. Something was lost in translation.

Granted, the meaning of most words are fairly easy to figure out based on their context (though kesha, meaning either yesterday or tomorrow will forever confuse us), but it certainly makes translating Sports Friends materials into Kikaonde interesting.  And I’m realizing that English speakers like to say what is essentially the same thing multiple ways.

Whenever Regina, my friend and language partner, is free, I hike off to Kimasala to sit and pour over the stacks of pages Luke has asked me to translate.  Sometimes it is straightforward – but more often we find ourselves in lengthy discussions as I explain the context of a word’s use and try to think of every English synonym for it hoping we’ll find the right Kikaonde word to fit. 

Here’s one of Luke’s sentences we just kind of had to laugh at:

“To minister”literally means “to care for” or “to serve.”  

Imagine our difficulty when all three of those words are best translated into the same Kikaonde word. Luckily we found another way to say to serve and didn’t have to scrap the line completely.

It was an easy assumption to make that my Kikaonde and Regina’s English would greatly improve as we work through these materials.  What I did not expect was the spiritual growth that would result.  The first two sets of information we worked through were Bible studies Luke wrote based on the goal and training statement of Sports Friends.  As I was focused on plowing through the documents, I didn’t realize at first the way Regina was soaking in each scripture, question and reference.  One day I suggested we stop so I could start my walk home, and she wanted to go just a little bit further because she wanted to know what was next! 

“This is very interesting and I’m learning so much,” she said, expressing that the studies will definitely lead to spiritual growth for their intended audience.

And apparently for an unintended audience.  It’s amazing what the Lord will do beyond the scope of our plans and ideas.  What I thought would be a simple time of translation of materials for future Sports Friends coaches and church leaders has actually become an opportunity to cultivate growth in my translator.  God’s sovereign plan is never lost in translation.