be gentle with me

In exactly four weeks we will be starting our debrief and reentry meetings at SIM USA’s headquarters in Charlotte.  Are we excited? Absolutely.  Are we ready for the break?  I think we’re a few months past ready.  Are we nervous?  You bet.

A lot has changed in 2 ½ years.  I’m sure infrastructures in the States have changed since we left.  Styles have changed.  Kids we knew as toddlers are in school and have little brothers and sisters we haven’t met.  Family members have aged.  And others won’t be there at all anymore. 

And somehow, sometime, unbeknownst to us, we've changed.  Physically. Spiritually. Mentally.  We look in the mirror and see sunspots and wrinkles from a few too many walks through town without sunscreen.  My hair has grown and been bleached by the sun along the way.  Our hands have aged from digging in the dirt and washing dishes and holding the hands of sick friends.  My left shoulder bone has been higher than the right since the car accident last year.

But those changes are just on the surface.  Our hearts have changed.  We've experienced great joy and great pain – sometimes all at once.  We've seen things that will be forever etched in our memories.  We've met people whose lives have humbled us in ways nothing else could. We've planned our ministries, our programs and even our days to have everything change at the drop of a hat.  We've stood for hours in lines only to find out we’re in the wrong place.  We've put up with lewd comments from drunks and constant requests for aid.  Children we've held have died from preventable causes.  Our bodies have experienced illnesses that we still can’t identify.  We've experienced miracles and cried out for miracles that just weren't part of God’s plan.

Our hearts have changed.  You may find us quieter -  more mellow.  In that quiet, we may be praying.  Prayer has become so much more of a lifeline.  After all, praying has been our only option in many situations.  Sometimes tears may come unexplained, and sometimes they won’t be able to come at all.  We may not be able to tell you about it, as sometimes you just have to be there to understand.  Please ask questions anyway.  We may be easily overwhelmed or in need of rest.  We may even seem judgmental or bitter toward life “back home.”  Please forgive us for that. 

There’s an old Jewel song, “I’m Sensitive,” that often gets in my head that says,

“So please be careful with me, I’m sensitive and I’d like to stay that way.”

 

We’re going to be sensitive.  We’re not quite sure how we’ll fit in anymore.  We don’t know if our friends will still like us.  We may look different, act different, talk different.  We may not feel very social.  And sometimes, we may need to be social.  We may call you and ask to hang out or go walking or just keep us company while we sift through our feelings.  Sometimes, we may just want to have a whole lot of fun and temporarily forget all of that heavy stuff that makes us quieter and more mellow and… different.

So please know it’s not you.  It’s us.  Sometimes you might not know what to do with us.  We usually don’t either.  Be gentle.  Be patient.  And if it’s really bad, just smack us on the head and tell us to lighten up.  

We can’t wait to see you. 

Change Takes Time

“We can make an envelope for the cash box for the renewal.”

Surprising words to come from Mama Yoba’s lips.  A year ago she didn’t like the cash box.  She didn’t think it would work, and she really didn’t like that she didn’t have access to it.  If the money went in the cash box, she didn’t think she would be able to give to help friends when there was a funeral or get anything done that she wanted.  If she received money for things at Lusa, she would use it as she saw fit instead of putting it into the cash box.  In fact, she even asked Luke one day if we didn’t trust her with a key.  Granted, Luke just responded, “If that’s true, they must not trust me either, because I also don’t have a key!”

Change takes time.  When we started the “envelope system” at Lusa, it was a sort of experiment.  An experiment Regina was willing to try.  We created 10 envelopes, labeled with things like “feeding program,” “Zesco/Mema house” (electricity/water), “chickens and agriculture,” “teacher supplies and stipend,” “savings,” etc.  The idea was that each time any income was generated, through craft markets, handmade jewelry sales, donations, or other means, that money would be divided among the envelopes and documented on sheets of paper in each particular envelope.  This idea is very foreign in a culture where people are quick to spend any money they have so that they do not feel obligated to give it to family or friends in need.  While bank accounts exist here, the majority of account holders have zero balance until pay day, at which they immediately withdraw the entire payment sum and spend it.  Others live too far from town for the accounts to be practical for every day use.  Lusa has a bank account, but putting small amounts of cash in an account five kilometers away and then withdrawing said cash for a few dollars here and there for charcoal or tomatoes became a bit irrational.

So we started the cash box – kept hidden in the office at Lusa – with Regina holding the only key.  In the last year since starting the “experiement,” the electricity has never been turned off as a result of delinquent payment, the chicken house has been completely wired for electricity, the doors have been replaced, the teachers have received occasional stipends as gratitude for their hard work, and the children have received a nutritious meal almost every week that school has been in session. 

There have been times that Regina had to stand up to her mother when Mama Yoba wanted to give large amounts for funerals of community members or wanted to buy something for the hall on a whim rather than considering the true needs.  There were times when community members and volunteers questioned the system – hoping to pocket some of the money for themselves.  But after a year, Mama Yoba is on board.  If there is a need for which we don’t have an envelope (like renewing the organization’s certification with the government), she suggests we add one so we can start saving toward said need.  If she receives money, she now gives it to Regina to distribute through the cash box.  And just this week, Mama Yoba repeatedly told me, “thank you.” 

The reason I write this is not for my own accolades.  I got the idea for envelope budgeting from Crown Financial’s Money Matters radio program I used to listen to in the States.  No, the reason I write this is in recognition of the fact that change takes time.  We could probably raise a bunch of money and build fancy buildings and hold special events and be able to create a grand list of all the things we’ve “accomplished” since coming to Zambia, but without working side by side with our brothers and sisters here, without cautious, diligent, and sometimes painful teaching, those “accomplishments” wouldn’t really “accomplish” anything in the grand scheme of things.  True, lasting change… takes time.

And in order to introduce change – to experiment with new ideas and go new directions in ministry – we have learned that we have to start with the youth.  In a culture where everything is tied to tradition, relationship, and the “way it’s always been done,” the youth rarely get a voice.  But they are eager to learn; eager for responsibility and trust; and eager for change.  Regina took a risk standing up to her mother, but now has the respect of Mama Yoba and several others in the community because of that stand.  She’s also learned how to budget and wants to teach others in the community and put what she’s learned into practice in her own business and personal efforts.  In the last year, we may not have built fancy buildings or touched hundreds of lives, but by pouring into one person at a time, over time, change happens.

The cash box is a very tangible example, but we see the same impact on a spiritual level.  Regina has grown to be an incredible, devoted woman of God, and is leading young girls and others in the community in the same direction.

We look forward to seeing the same kind of changes and growth in the young men and women we work with as coaches for Sports Friends, who will then become leaders and role models for the children on their teams.  Life on life, day by day, disciple-making.  And in the long run, that is far more satisfying – and glorifying to God – than fancy buildings or numbers on paper.