In my weakness...

We leave to return to Zambia in four weeks. Four weeks. It sounds so distant, but it is fast approaching, and emotions are running high. We've experienced most of this before - excitement regarding the upcoming travel, sadness over leaving family and friends behind, stress as we wrap up a variety of last-minute details.

But this time it's...different.

When we moved to Zambia in 2010, we were filled with excitement and expectation. Everything we had been working towards since before we started dating in 2004 was finally happening. We were moving overseas - to Africa - to serve as missionaries. We were starting a new life. It was all a great adventure. We were riding on a spiritual and emotional high.

And then things changed. Days, weeks, months went by. That adventure became life. And at times, life was hard. But we had each other, and we had God, and we made it through. What I didn't realize at the time, though, was how much I acted as my own worst enemy, how often I brought myself down, telling myself I wasn't good enough. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't qualified enough. I was in way over my head. I brought myself so low that, by the end of our first term, I was completely burned out and empty. I needed to come back on Home Assignment.

And I didn't want to go back to Zambia.

I managed to convince myself that I wasn't the right person to lead the ministry in Zambia. I could list off name after name of people I thought could do a better job. People more qualified. People more spiritual. People with more energy, more training, more vision. People with a better relationship with God.

The thing is, I continued to feel this way up until just recently. Even after Tiffany booked our tickets to return, I was convinced that we were only going back by default. We had to go back, because the right people hadn't been found, so we were warm bodies willing to fill in until then. It wasn't until recently that this all began to change.

We were asked to talk about our ministry to the Jr. and Sr. High youth groups at a supporting church. They wanted us to talk about what we do, but more importantly they wanted us to talk about how we got there. How did we know God called us on mission? What steps did we take to get into the field? And it was in reflecting on these questions and preparing for this presentation that I realized that I was actually right. I'm not good enough, or talented enough, or smart enough.

And I'm not supposed to be.

After all, if I were good enough, I wouldn't need God to do the work - His work. Paul knew this and wrote about it in several of his letters, probably most notably in 2 Corinthians 12, where he says in verses 9 and 10,

"But [Jesus] said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (ESV)

Paul, this great missionary and leader in the early church, understood that he wasn't good enough. He would never be good enough. And this is what made his ministry so successful, because it kept him from relying upon his own strength and seeking to receive all the glory. Rather, he needed to rely upon Christ for the ability to continue in ministry, and it was Christ who caused the growth, who orchestrated the change, who made the difference, and who received the glory.

As we go back to Zambia, I don't want to be good enough. I want to rely upon Christ. I want to be open and ready to be used by Him, and my "good enough-ness" would stand in His way.

Giving Up Everything

Often when we hear people marvel about how we "gave up everything" to move to Zambia as missionaries, we kind of shrug it off, almost feeling bad that they think that. This isn't sacrifice! I mean, we love so much about life here. We love how on a given Sunday we may be worshiping with people from as many as 10 different nations. Getting to a recipe calling for lemon juice and we just grab the fruit from our tree. How the air drops from a hot, sunny 100+ degrees to 60 and stormy in seconds during the rains. How everyone in our growing town, from the post office to Shoprite to the marketplace, knows when we've been traveling (and asks what we brought them). Walking everywhere at all times of the year. The friendly, relaxed pace of life. How Luke and I have been forced into a stronger relationship because sometimes we're all we've got. Seeing genuine change from things we've taught. And how when you're where God wants you, there's just a peace about life.

But then there are times when we long for life stateside, feeling the "sacrifices" just aren't worth it. Being a target for lewd comments and demand for handouts wherever we go. Not being able to take a peaceful walk through the neighborhood holding my husband's hand. Power cuts, plumbing problems, and frightening roads. Lack of quality healthcare and screening, especially as we try to start a family. Pouring ourselves out spiritually without a fountain from which to drink. Injustices and inefficiencies in policies and policing. The inability to use reason to solve problems with processes, bills and the above inefficiencies. Times when there seems to be zero fruit from all the ministry efforts. And missing important milestones, family events, weddings, funerals, reunions, and all our friends and family back home.

Usually the good outweighs the not-so-good, but as we've noted in our last two prayer letters, sometimes the bad just mounds up in a giant pile of stink (like the trash in one of the compounds we walk through each week). Those are the times when we find ourselves thinking maybe it's not worth it. Life would be "so much easier" back home. We tried and that's enough, right?

But what if Jesus had said that? When he didn't feel like his disciples were "getting it." When his own mother made selfish demands of his time and ability. When the need around him was too much. When everyone wanted to take, take, take and his strength waned. When one of his best friends betrayed him. When the stones were thrown. What if Jesus had given up and gone back to life as a simple carpenter, because it would be easier?

I for one am glad he didn't. Think of the pile of stink we'd all be in if Jesus had given up on the road to Calvary - turned around, and gone home - because saving us from the debt of our sin wasn't "worth it?"

And so we remember why we're here. Not for some romantic, idealistic aid project. Not for the accolades of others (though the affirmation is certainly nice sometimes). Not because life is easier or inherently more enjoyable in this hemisphere. But for God's glory. Because of Jesus' death on the cross and resurrection for our forgiveness. Because many millions of people haven't heard this Good News of forgiveness. He said we were worth it. He also said to take up our crosses and follow him - not because it would be easy (in fact he says it may be downright difficult) or because we would receive earthly treasures - but because He's worth it.

So we may have given up a lot to serve Him here. You may be giving up a lot by supporting us in that work (thank you thank you thank you!). But, it's all so little compared to what he gave up for us, and all so worth it.

"What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ" (Philippians 3:8 NIV)

Greater (than) Expectations

Sometimes we find ourselves at a loss for how to best minister to our Zambian brothers and sisters – how to strengthen the church and empower believers here to share the gospel within and outside of Zambia.  (Read Luke’s post on the church in Zambia here )

Yesterday our friend Kit shared a devotion from Acts 3 that has since had me contemplating the goals, methods, and motives of modern missions, and I’ve realized it’s about going back to the basics.  We can look at the book of Acts and the growth of the early church – where it wasn’t about black and white, rich and poor, haves and have nots – but about the power of God and the Redemption through the blood of Christ.

 One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.  Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God. When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him. (Acts 3:1-10)

Just the other day I was walking through town and had the following conversation:

Young boy: How are you madam?

Me: I am fine. How are you?

Young boy: Christmas.

(typically this sort of conversation involves something specific, like “give me money” or “I want 10 pin”, but apparently I was supposed to infer that by simply saying “Christmas” he was asking for a gift)

Me: Excuse me?

Young boy: Christmas!

Many times when money is demanded of us from young children or even adults, I get frustrated and say something to the effect of “just because I have white skin does not mean I have money to give away.”  But with this boy, I realized I had an opportunity.  So I told him the meaning of Christmas.  I told him it’s not about packages and gifts, but about the ultimate gift.  I told him if he accepted the gift of our Savior, he would one day have great riches in the Kingdom of Heaven. 

Not sure if he got it.  I think he was just frustrated his demand fell through, so he simply said “okay” and walked away.

Reading back through the story of Peter and John and the beggar, I noticed a few things.  First of all, the beggar was “put” outside the temple gate each day.  We don’t know if he would have chosen that for his own life.  Perhaps those community members who looked after him wished to take advantage of his disability to their own benefit.  So many of the children here are put on the streets at a young age as professional beggars.  There is a young man named Clifford that Luke has been tutoring a bit, who has to work his tutoring schedule around his “job.” His job: standing outside Shoprite ready to help people carry their groceries to their car and unload their carts, hoping for a cash tip.  He has not been hired by Shoprite, but rather we think his family expects him to bring home a certain amount of money each day, and he knows what times to go to catch busy crowds and more business.  But like the beggar – is this what he would choose to do if he had that choice?

Second, the beggar “expected” to receive something from Peter and John.  After all, he was outside the temple, and it was part of the social and religious structure to give alms to the poor – he was just making the giving easier for those expected to give.  Sadly, it’s become expected here as well. Even the well-dressed and well-fed see us and say, “give me money.” It’s not what can you teach me, but what can you give me?  Sometimes we feel we are asked to speak in churches not because they want to hear what the Lord will speak through us, but because they hope we’ll empty our pockets into the offering plate.

I ask when the gospel got so convoluted, but even in the time of the early church there were expectations that involved riches on earth over riches in heaven.

Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” (Acts 3:6)

In verse 8, we see that the beggar realized the gift he was given was so much greater than silver or gold.  He was empowered.  He no longer had to sit at the temple gate begging, but could walk – jump – into the temple and praise the living God!  And the light in him shone in a way that many others were amazed and the door was opened for Peter to share the truth of Christ with the crowd. 

So how do we really share the joy of the gift we’ve been given?  Handing out money to a street kid isn’t going to teach him about Jesus – or give him the freedom that is possible only through the healing hand of God.  But like Peter, we can give what we have.  An awesome gift.  A glimpse of light as we walk and jump and praise the Lord.  A message the child can take to his family and they can be amazed as the crowds were.  As one local Zambian leader said recently in a discussion regarding his church’s Christmas celebration (or lack thereof), the wise men didn’t come to Jesus looking for gifts, but to bring gifts to the King. When we bring our gifts of praise to the King, and spread the news of His forever reign, the focus turns from black and white and rich and poor to His glory, His grace, His purpose.

There are expectations to break – but the end results are greater.  Who needs silver and gold when you can have the unending joy of eternal life?

A Look Inside Luke's Head

This is just a glimpse into my (Luke’s) head - the "Llama's Logic" at it's finest.  I wrote what follows in my journal during my time in Ethiopia learning about Sports Friends.

I don’t know how anybody could come see this ministry and not be profoundly affected.  We visited three churches today, all of which were started through Sports Friends, all of which are in otherwise 100% M_slim areas, and all of which were growing, training leaders, and changing lives.  Denomination doesn’t matter.  Age doesn’t matter.  Building doesn’t matter.  God matters.  These churches exist for the glory of God and are actively and sacrificially evangelizing.  Visiting these churches, even briefly, was both humbling and encouraging, and I find myself deeply convicted of apathy.  I keep asking myself,

WHEN DID I LOSE SIGHT OF MY FIRST LOVE?

I was drawn to missions out of a confidence of God’s calling in my life.  Unlike so many things in my life now, I didn’t resist this calling.  I understood God’s amazing act of grace in my life, and I desperately wanted the world to experience His grace, too.  I was deeply, passionately in love with Christ.  But when did this raging fire dim to a flickering candle?  When did I become comfortable in simply being a missionary in title, but doing so little to actually tell others about Christ?

WHEN DID MY LOVE GROW COLD?

As I sit on the veranda of the beach house at Camp Langano, I look up and read

Be still and know that

I AM GOD

-Psalm 46:10

A simple verse, and one that I have known for years.  But even now it is exactly what I needed to read.  I feel so much turmoil in my life and ministry right now, and I am so excited to go back and see what God does with this experience.  I keep thinking of more and different ways to bring all I’ve learned here to the field in Zambia.  Strategies repeatedly come to mind.  Logistics.  Plans.  But I need to always remember that God is God, and He is in control.  So, we may go back and see nothing happen in Zambia; or, we can go back and see lives changed for Christ.  Either way, He is truly and absolutely in control.  I just get to participate in the great things He is doing.

So I look forward to getting back to Zambia.  I look forward to training church leaders to actually care about the spiritual state of the world and actually do something about it.  I look forward to being a part of an interdenominational church planting movement among the “reached” and the unreached alike.  I look forward to seeing God change lives.  I look forward to seeing the face and focus of missions change so that we see incarnational missionaries passionately and intentionally sharing the gospel.  That’s what is important.  When did mission strategy become more important than the gospel message?  When did the status quo become more important than radical change for Christ?  When did comfort become more important than Christ?  When did church polity become more important than gospel ministry?  In essence,

WHEN DID I BECOME MORE IMPORTANT THAN CHRIST?

to give a man a fish

How many times have we heard the proverb, “if you give a man a fish, he eats for a day; if you teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.”? Not sure where it came from, but it’s always seemed a pretty good principle to me. It screams empowerment and equality – good western ideologies. And with ministry in Africa, trying to empower people to be self-sustaining in their work and not depend on financial pipelines from overseas, it just makes sense, right?

That’s where I’m having a hard time. The above proverb is certainly not from the Bible. Jesus never tells the disciples to go teach people how to catch fish or harvest their fields or bake bread – he tells them to teach, but to teach about Him. Jesus himself doesn’t teach tricks of the trade, sustainable agriculture or the like. He feeds the multitudes and tells us to do the same. He says we should sell our possessions and give to the poor. In 2 Corinthians 8:13-15, Paul writes,

‘Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it is written: “He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little.”’

Whether it’s on the street or at our door, we have people asking for food and money on an almost daily basis. At Lusa, there is a dire need for money to get the center running to its full potential. Kids need sponsorships to go to school. We’re by no means rich, but the Lord has blessed us with plenty. How does He want us to use it? We’re trying to teach money management and develop income-generating projects at Lusa – and let me tell you – it’s exhausting. We often offer piecework to people who come to the door. Sometimes we give a loaf of bread or money to buy mealie-meal. But we also find ourselves saying “no” a lot. We really struggle with what we should do – where we should give.

The country of Zambia has benefitted from a pipeline of charitable funding for so many years that it seems to have crippled much of the country. People have gotten so used to having the fish given to them that they’ve stopped casting their nets themselves. Many parents don’t seem to even try to pay their kids' school fees – they’ve learned instead how to ask for sponsorships. This is by no means everyone. There are people who work hard, tirelessly, to provide for their families and manage money wisely. But (please excuse any bitterness here) there are also a lot of people who wander the streets waiting for someone with white skin to give them money, regardless of actual need. Kids seem especially “trained” in this. We see kids who are well-dressed and clean, coming from school, who see us and walk up and say “give me 5 pin” (equivalent of a dollar), just because they’ve apparently learned it might work.

So I’m grappling. What would Jesus do? Would he teach a man to fish, or just give him the fish? It seems that in his parables about himself, he also teaches about farming and fishing and bread-making and so on – but were those just examples the people would understand, or was he intending to teach about Himself while teaching how others are to sustain themselves? Are we supposed to give everything to the poor, essentially becoming poor ourselves, or do we teach in a way that enables the poor to escape poverty? Do we give to anyone and everyone, or try to discern true need? Is it up to us? Even Jesus drew a line here. After teaching and healing many in Capernaum, the people tried to get Jesus to stay, but He knew He was to preach the good news in other towns as well. There may have still been physical needs among the people, but He had taught the Word and knew it was time to move on.

I’m still wrestling with this, especially as we look at our purpose here. Do we give as an open door to sharing the true gift of life? Do we teach with the same intent? To meet a physical need without meeting the more important spiritual needs would supersede the Gospel message. The greatest commandment is to love God; only after which comes the mandate to love others. But as I heard once in a quote, people won’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. What is the balance of giving and teaching and sharing Christ? How do we respond in love? To what extent does love include tough love and accountability? Most of all, we find ourselves constantly asking, what would Jesus do?

We would love to hear your thoughts.

... The People of Zambia

Serving and Loving the People of Zambia. This is the phrase that is on most of our prayer letters, photos and other materials. This has been the plan, the goal, the intent of preparing for ministry here. Little did we realize that the “People of Zambia” hardly includes just native Zambians.

Since arriving here 2 ½ months ago, we have had opportunities to serve and love – and be served and loved by – people from Zambia, Zimbabwe, Tanzania, South Africa, Ghana, Ethiopia, Angola, New Zealand, Malaysia, Korea, India, Ireland, United Kingdom, Germany, Holland, Canada, and the US. And every expectation or stereotype I might have had of people from each of those countries has been stripped away. And though we and many of our expatriate friends, and fellow missionaries find ourselves immersed in Zambian culture, many of these individuals seem to be living in a completely different world.

The copper mining industry has really grown in Zambia, and our town of Solwezi is no exception. The mines certainly employ many Zambians, but there are also “experts” brought in from all over the world. Some, like many of our white Zimbabwean friends, have fled their countries and started life over here in Zambia. Others know their time here is only temporary until projects are completed and they return to their respective countries or move on to a different project. But while here, they form a community – or two very distinct communities. There are the miners who are Christians, and those who aren’t. They all live at what is called the Kansanshi Golf Estate, a gated, guarded, manicured facility complete with an 18-hole golf course, clubhouse, pool and gym. The houses are very westernized with modern appliances, and a lot of their food needs are shipped directly in from Lusaka, or even Johannesburg, so they rarely have to venture into town or away from the estate.

Just a side note here: we don’t look down on our friends at the mines for their lifestyle. They’re here to work, and they work very hard and tirelessly. We actually appreciate having the mining estate, because having both grown up in water, we dry out if we don’t get a good swim in now and then!

Though there are English-speaking churches in Solwezi, the Christian community at the mining estate has started a home church fellowship. There is no one who is trained theologically, but their faith is real and a few of the men have taken turns sharing a message and leading the group in songs and prayer each week. They also have a women’s group that meets and discusses Christian books (currently they’re reading The Five Love Languages). Though they tend to stay there on the complex, they have offered resources, assistance, and friendship to us (even frontline spray for our dog!). While their fellowship is strong, there seems to be a divide between those who believe, and the other miners who spend much of their free time at the clubhouse bar, and little effort to reach the others for Christ.

I write this because we’re realizing more and more that God has plans for us that go far beyond the Kaonde people of Solwezi. Though our primary ministry is focused on training, teaching, discipling and loving our friends in the villages around Solwezi, as white, American missionaries living in town, we are also in a unique position to reach out to and serve those on the other end of the economical and social structure. And what’s more, to possibly help bridge the gap between the two. I hate distinguishing people based on the color of their skin, but racism and stereotypes are very strong here, and the wealthy, white folks from Zambia and other parts of Africa (mostly of British roots) have definitive attitudes toward the poor, black population and vice versa. But God’s love for both groups – all people – is very real, and we will be honored if He uses us to demonstrate that love here through our interactions with people from all classes and nationalities. There will likely be opportunities for Luke to “preach” in the home church fellowship, and I have gotten involved in the ladies Bible study. Yet, we speak Kikaonde to their gardeners, maids and guards, dress in our long pants and skirts, and share of the positive things God is doing in the villages and homes of our Zambian friends. We also seek to be lights to the other miners we see around – those outside the Christian fellowship. (Additionally, we sometimes find ourselves working side by side with Peace Corp volunteers in the village – a HUGE opportunity for sharing Christ.)

Isn’t God amazing? It’s like our Cameroonian pastor in Dallas – there in the US to reach other Africans for Christ – culturally equipped in a way an American pastor would not be. Perhaps we weren’t just called to Africa to love our African brothers and sisters, but also so that we might reach other Westerners for Christ in the process. May we keep our eyes and hearts and home open to the ways God intends to use us here in Zambia!

Refocusing My Heart

2%

Of the earth’s population, it is only 2% who leave all they know and move to a completely foreign land to live and work.

We’re not talking about moving across the country, or even from one country to a similar country, such as the United States to Canada.  No.  We’re talking about New Zealand to India, Germany to Peru… or the United States to Zambia.

If it were easy to move cross-culturally, more than 2% of people would do it.  But it’s not easy.  And we have been reminded of this truth almost every day since we arrived.

People come by at all hours of the day, and we have needed to learn to give up our food, time, and even sleep to adjust to this open-door culture.  When we do laundry, it takes up to 5 days before we can wear those clothes again; if we put them on sooner, we may have fly larvae burrow into our skin.  Sometimes you can get milk, or cheese, or eggs, or bread; sometimes you can’t.  Sometimes you have power, or running water; sometimes you don’t.

Life is different.

And we knew it would be when we came.  But we were compelled by love.  And as we continue to adjust to the culture, I have been confronted with what the focus of my affection truly is.

As a missionary, we need to love the people to whom we minister.  In our case, this includes a love for the orphans and vulnerable children, as well as the sick and dying, the elderly, the poor, and everybody else in Solwezi.  Christ says that we need to love our neighbors, and we do.

But if it were love for our neighbor that brought me here, I can say that it is not love for our neighbor that keeps me here.  After somebody broke into our home while we were at church, it was not love for our neighbor that kept me here.  I felt little love for my neighbor at that point.

It is love for Christ that keeps me here.

Isn’t this the compulsion we saw demonstrated by Paul?  While on his first missionary journey, the people of Antioch and Iconium stoned him until he was nearly dead.  His response?  He returned to the city.  Why?  Because His passion for Christ compelled Him to bring the Gospel (see Acts 14). 

And so this is my prayer for me, and my prayer for you as well.  May a passion and love for Christ drive you in whatever you do.  For it is only through Him that you can overcome the trials and opposition you face along the way.